I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
