I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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