Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
