Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
