he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
