bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
