i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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