u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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