I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
