when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
