Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
