Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
