She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You need a sexual gate keeper
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
