You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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