I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
