my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
