"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
