I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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