drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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