Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My feet surprised me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
