woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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