he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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