Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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