I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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