Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
