i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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