Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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