Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
