im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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