I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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