No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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