he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
