he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
