bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
