i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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