i don't plan on having that self control this summer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Shame - the story of my life.
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