Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
