I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
