I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
