So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
