im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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