If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
