3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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