What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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