I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
