omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
