I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize