Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
