Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
