My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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