The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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