I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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