Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
