gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
