Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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