I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
