Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
