I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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