its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
