do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
