"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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