i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
