Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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