My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
