She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
